How I got there

Listening to Lucero, thanks to Dave R. long ago and Tom Gabel from Against Me! (Thanks again, Dave) covered this little song called "Wagon Wheel." And my future-roommate had this album called OCMS that he played once or twice in the background on car trips.

And then there was early 2008 and feeling horrible and lonely in a dorm. Matt Dellinger's article in Oxford American contained this passage,

The plan was to drive across the continent and earn their keep busking on the streets, playing for gas money and food. It's the type of ten-thousand-mile joyride every desperate or idealistic band tells itself it will do. Most lack the requisite live-free-or-die instinct or zeal for North American nowheres, but these boys are touched with both. Ketch fondly remembers waking up one early November morning in a hay field near the border of Manitoba and Ontario with frost on his bedroll. They drove in to Winnipeg that day and bought then usual groceries: lunch meat, cheese, white bread, mustard, peanuts, and a jug of water. They played all day and drank free coffee and made a hundred dollars, and a television crew stumbled upon them and put them on the six o'clock news. They spent the night at some college party, where a kid with a beard sang Phil Ochs songs and Ketch kissed a girl who'd seen him on TV. Three months of this, Ketch says, and they never went to bed hungry.

Old Crow Medicine Show started off breaking my heart a little more than comforting me. But maybe that was the dorm talking. Maybe that was the people who were so suffocatingly my age. The ones I was supposed to enjoy the company of were choking and depressing me. The girls who steered me into their group and did nothing but talk shit about everything non-stop. No humor, no angle, just rubbish and vomit and complaining.

I walked to Border's and bought OCMS and Big Iron World at once. Then the message boards. Like every new obsession, I had to seek out those who shared it. I started off as the pip-squeak new fan. I remain it, relatively speaking.

But it started with S.T. messaging me before the Morgantown, WV show. Urging me to get a brew with him before the show. Little then-22-year-old-me being invited with the grown-ups.

And suddenly there were better poems. There was first tastes of moonshine. There was learning about John Prine, Tommy Jarrell, Charlie Poole, Justin Townes Earle. There were always more songs.

J.K. and S.T. played their old time music in 103 degree Richmond weather. They played it on the cold porch in Nashville, Tennessee.

I could say so much more about it, say it better. But somehow one band and one piece of the internet led me to being barefoot in Tennessee for a whole day. A few sips of moonshine, chicken, collard greens, all the perfect cliches you could hope for.

No haystacks yet. But I got this far.

The despair of that dorm, the first time Old Crow clicked...Between then and now is Greyhound and Megabuses, strangers on the buses, sleeping with T. in the Montana meadow, adventures climbing Frisco hills, front row at the Ryman with S.T. in Nashville, riding in the Crow Wagon listening to some good tunes and feeling like yeah, not the best friend, always the kid, but it was okay I was there. I was enough in myself that I could be there. And at the little house we rented in Nashville, S.S. gave me a knowing look and at the end of the night said "It was more than 90 seconds this time." I got my Nashville. I got my New Years.

I may never get to fully thank Willie or Ketch. But I suspect they started something very good here.

I can tell the Not Friends, though. And I believe they'll understand. Which means plenty.

I shoulda told this better but I got a burst of optimism in the middle of trying to avoid my school work. I'll tell more tales later, perhaps.

Nashville

Thoughts on the Tennessee Old Crow Medicine Show New Year's Eve Show. No offensive to anyone, particularly R. and J. who are both highly lovely people.

In the break between Old Crow Medicine Show sets, S.T. grabs my hand in one of those friendly two-hand shakes and says, "I know this was a big deal for you." Sweet of him to say that, but no no, something wasn't right. It wasn't a big deal, because I didn't risk anything.

I thought about it ever since I ran into S.T. (the subject of "Yankee Bones Lament") at the West Virginia Old Crow show in November. He told me to come to Nashville for this epic gathering of Old Crowites, this all night party. I thought about asking friends, I thought about how we'd get there, and I thought a lot about going by myself. I thought about taking the bus, I thought about asking for some floor space from a guy I'd never met. I asked females who were going whether the gentlemen were reputable sorts. And I tried to picture how I'd pull it off. How I'd not get scared if I ended up walking in a "foreign" city in the middle of the night. How I would just be able to figure everything out.

I ended up going with a friend and his friend -- I liked the new girl, liked my old friend, of course. I like a road adventure with people. J. turned on her beloved Johnny Cash and we passed signs that said "Hell is real." I was feeling the South.

But one thing turned to another, and the intriguing folks I wanted to see I just saw for a few minutes. I chickened out and didn't ask things like "hey, can I stick around and hang out with you two?" Or "just in case it's somehow possible, can somebody drive me back to my hotel?" Limping around Nashville for half an hour searching for the rental car, I kept thinking about who I could call, what I could do besides go sleep and then go home to life. But I chickened out.

When R.P. sent me a ticket in the mail and didn't want to be paid for it, I knew I was going no matter what. But I didn't have to risk it, so I didn't. And as perfect happiness as the show was. The Ryman Theater was beautiful. I counted down to midnight with nobody I knew in sight, just Ketch Secor on stage looking sweaty and beautiful. Balloons came down, and I wouldn't have minded a good kiss with my boy back home, but I also was perfectly content by myself for the show.

I met K.K. who was dressed in an elaborate Western shirt and came well supplied with a thick Tennessee accent and a sweet Southern friendliness. R.P. and a slightly whiskied me wandered off to lean against a building, surrounded by neon celebrations. We talked about the hierarchies of the Hank Williamses. For some reason I sang a part of "Political Science" -- "We'll save Australian, don't want hurt no Kangaroos." He said something about taking in the scene, and at the moment I was so happy my face was about to crack. So happy because where the hell was I -- in Nashville in the drunk streets, talking to a stranger.

I met S.S. and R.S. for far too short of a time. They had been so sweet and helpful when I schemed to come to Nashville by myself. S.S. seemed shy, R.S. not so much, but both friendly as hell and seemingly glad to meet me for 30 seconds. And then they all went off to drink beer and God damn I was low and jealous.

Not friends -- none of them less than 11 years older than I. Maybe they have no interest in me. Maybe we got nothing in common besides our undying love for the Old Crow. Likely none of them is my undying soulmate true love best friend or anything like that. But it was just me not being able to hang with the cool kids again. Me not quit pushing hard enough because I was dying to meet new people.

While S.T. and I limped and trailed behind J. and R. on the way to our rental car. When I jumped out of the car later at Broadway, so sick of waiting, and walked into the Barbecue Place by myself. I was pretending, like I pretend on every trip, no matter how much I love who I'm traveling with, that I was by myself. I did it in Guatemala and Belize in the markets, trying to talk. I did it a hundred times in airports, walking ahead of whoever I was with, pretending I was alone with just a backpack.

When I nervously recognized beards and hats and suddenly worried what I was thinking in thinking these people wanted to hang out with little old me. When I wandered down Broadway with R.P. and my friends had disappeared and it might have been a bad idea because I was a little drunk but it wasn't. When S.T. gave me a sip of whatever good whiskey he keeps in his flask, and this time my mama wasn't around to make me hesitate for a second. That was what I wanted this trip to be. But it was just bits and few minutes.

I don't mean to fetishize the South exactly, "Yankee Bones Lament" and its possible-hopefully-not-cliches-not-withstanding. It's just that's it's culture shock and the home of music that raises the hair on my neck and hurts me so well. That the people down there are different and seem darling. That I've spent so much of my life comfortably following older people about and some more of it standing around wishing I could follow them. And it's that my life is what it is, that I'll finish my college, but after that it's go to be different - whether I go South or West, I got to get out of this town. And these people are different and they're disconnected from the rest of my life. They're more signs that the world is nice and big and not the same and oh fuck, I can't even explain it.

It just broke my heart to not drink with them. It broke it strangely sharply.

A not friends poem

A fellow met at the above Old Crow Medicine Show show in Morgantown, WV on November 14. Not his real name -- it sounds a lot better than this one I made up.

Yankee bones lament

Bill Wildwood up from Pittsylvania county, with a beaten down tri-corner hat.
With metal all down his legs, woven through his bones, and up his shoulders,
For reasons he won’t say in particular, just the weather aches
Him something awful in the Virginia damp.
He hands me whiskey in a flash of silver flask, brown paper hidden,
Some knee-jerk self says reject a stranger’s booze, In West Virginia,
Waiting for hot fiddles and high, lonesome sounds,
But this ancient, boot-stomping love brought us from our separate ways to here…
So I take three good sips, pass it back,
Now he and I, not friends, but easy enough,
Talk the gallant suicide of Pickett’s charge, the perks of a pocket of weed,
The illegality of West Virginia, and how some in some Appalachian
Corners tucked away, they speak the queen’s English still.

And this New Years Eve in Nashville’s gonna be damn near historic!
I should really come on down, everybody’s going to be there,
And I wish to God I was somebody else who knew just how to run
Away to a stranger’s floor in Tennessee, unafraid to ring in the new life,
Dancing all night until the metal in my leg sings sharp and stiff.
I’d drop my gs in a minute, drawl slow and easy,
Not because I tried, but because it would get in my marrow that quick --
Living on big, wide, wooden porches, covered in creeping vines,
Banjos, banjitars, howls of poverty and odes to contentment,
Having the kind of patient soul to make food and flowers --
Things that grow -- out of well-loved, death-defended dirt.

Willie Watson

This is a brief entry, where I cross over into the land of teenage -- never mind my being 22 --infatuation over a musician. But I assure you that this gentleman qualifies. I aim to write about strangers or acquaintances, people I do not know well, nor can I call up for a chat, but who still mean things to me. If we're talking about strangers who mean something, who better than a musician? I say music breaks my heart and saves my life, I even speak of its effect on my soul, and I don’t feel like I’m using hyperbole in the least. Musicians are the most important strangers in the world, even if their importance is a little easier to explain than the smile of a Guatemalan merchant boy. Yet there is still something inexplicable about my reaction to my most well loved makers of music.

Rob F and I saw Old Crow Medicine Show in a packed, beautiful theater in Homestead, PA. I was in the very front row, and near the end of the show, I lost any remaining reservations, and danced madly in front of hundreds of people. I danced with a tall, brunette stranger and her balding maybe-boyfriend. (They certainly qualify as Not Friends, as do any strangers who have ever grabbed my hand and made me dance with them. Girls especially sometimes do this, and I will love them forever for it.) I knew I wasn’t important to the band, who had a whole audience to see and engage with. But I was in their line of sight, which gave me a cheap and wonderful satisfaction. Mostly, I just wanted to get my point across through awkward stumbling, tapping boots. You people mean the world to me, and you’re making me purely happy right now. That’s what I tried to communicate as I stopped giving a shit about 800 people knowing I couldn’t dance or about the fact that life is hard and we’ll all die someday.

After the show, Rob and I joined the dozen or so people standing by the tape that separated all of us from the band’s tour bus. We were rewarded by Willie Watson, desperately skinny, cigarette tucked in his mouth, clad in a Neil Young shirt, and in need of a good haircut, walking towards us. Gill Landry, the more reserved and laconic guitar and banjo player followed. As I looked at Willie Watson, he looked right at me and gave me a grin that could easily have stopped my heart, and might have for just a moment. (Now, here is the dilemma, the difficulty in describing honestly your utterly teenage infatuation with a musician, when you’re especially in the mood to write because you just finished reading a delicious Christopher Hitchens book. But the truth must be told, and hopefully I can keep my dignity, with a minimum of tedious, unoriginal self-deprecation.)

Ultra-cool, laid-back and lively, Willie Watson interacted with us all, signing ticket stubs and draping his arm around Rob’s lucky shoulder for a photograph. My mind was blank of much of anything to say, not even the obligatory, high-on-life fawning that I do after shows. ("I love you guys!") But all the same, I felt oddly relaxed and I said some already forgotten casual conversation things. Watson’s manner was so ordinary and relaxed, that I imagined it possible to converse with him as if he were a normal person, if only you had something to say. There is no way to describe the importance of this to me without sounding silly and juvenile. I have far too many heroes, musicians, journalists, life-savers, all people whose presence would send me into stammers, or worse and more likely, wordlessness and blankness of mind, as much as I would long to talk to them. This is a horrible attitude for a would-be journalist, who wants to be able to rub elbows with people who intrigue and fascinate. That’s half the point in being a journalist, you get the excuse to ask questions about the people that interest you most. I’ll do that, if only I can get over my fawning. But how can I not fawn, when people fascinate me so? And Willie Watson’s friendliness, and his dangerous grin, cannot undermine the power and the fact that he can sing so well it gives me shivers. That response is all primal, all feeling, and dangerously moving. No wonder I can’t look at anyone who has that ability as anything but far above me. Pure words can have power, but without rhythm and melody, it’s a whole hell of a lot harder to affect people -- And almost impossible to make them dance. I will strive to string words together to the best of my ability, but I don’t know if I’ll ever shake the feeling that musicians have some voodoo that I cannot imitate, but am powerless to resist.